Unsure

I want to write a book.  I know physically and intellectually I am perfectly capable.  The question though, is if it would be entertaining, and if people would read it.  I think I am a decent story teller, but have a monotone voice, other than that I believe I can create a rich landscape with language and writing.  Writing is something that has always been interesting and I have off and on written or started stories, but have either lost interest, been too self critical, or came against a road block and forgot the story even existed or was started, and where I wanted to go with it.  So any ideas, any thoughts, would anyone like to see what kind of story I can weave, and what would people like to read?  What is anyone who reads this, interested in reading?  I would like to write something others will enjoy, so any input would be greatly appreciated.  Unfortunately reading is kind of a lost past time but I figure if you are willing to read a blog then you probably enjoy reading, so the request won't be lost on you.

Failures

Being honest about your failures and fuck ups, the things that you have to face yourself with, is enough to drive your insecurity through the roof and want, I dunno, acceptance I guess.  To add to that, giving the person you love a reason out is pretty horrifically painful, all you can do is sit, wait, and hope the good aspects of you are enough to outweigh the failures in your past, and are enough to make it worth trusting and loving you.

What to remember...

While doing an audio lecture today over disaster response, part of the considerations it lists for structure collapse and earthquake is the dust produced by buildings as the concrete pulverizes in the collapse.  Being a paramedic and a firefighter of my age and tenure this invariably brought to mind September 11, 2001.  Remember the 343 and remember 9/11 are the rally calls for this date in history.  Because that is how many firefighters died in the attempt to rescue as many as possible on that day, before the towers collapsed.  The fact of the matter is, on that day, a great many more brave souls perished, and not just firefighters medics and police officers, but brave men and women who recognized the need to help the overwhelmed first responders.  To add to that is the number of men and women who died in the coming days, months, and years from the dust, created by the collapsing buildings that was inhaled.  And this includes all as well, not just 343.  Thousands died as a result of that tragic day.  But what do you remember?  When you say remember 9/11 or the 343?   I wonder what firefighters and medics and cops are remembering when they champion their stickers and banners and flags.  Please, don't get me wrong the day should be remembered, but what should we remember?  Should we remember how the nation was polarized and brought together as one for a few months, or should we remember the anger, or the fear, or the massive senseless loss of life, or maybe that we were attacked, how about that responders died?  I don't think that these things are what we should remember.  What I chose to remember when I think of 9/11 or 343 is the love and compassion and bravery of ALL that perished in the attempt to save just one more life, and the bravery and courage it took to look up at those smoking, crumbling towers and think "Oh my god this is bad, we have to get those people out."  Before running in and up those stairs.  I don't want to remember the terrorist.  I don't want to remember the death.  I don't want to remember the anger or fear.  That gives those evil men's actions strength, that lets them win. 

I want to remember the unconditional love of fellow man, of all walks, that bred the courage necessary to be willing to risk and give up everything.

Nuance

It's the small things that are important in life.  The things people rarely notice.  Holding a hand, losing a little bit of sleep, wanting nothing more in life than to spend a little bit of time with them, a small gift because you think of them constantly and they make you smile and make your stomach dance when they smile at you.  Because doing something that you expect no notice of, with no expectation of return, will always show how you feel.  Anyone can make a large gesture to show how they "feel", in the end it shows nothing but what they want to be seen.  In action lies truth.  This is where I strive to live, in the nuance of actions.  The novel that creates is far greater than the story a large gesture tells.  I hope my gestures are noticed but all I can do is continue in the smallest ways to show my love, and to remind the one that I have given that massive piece of me to, that they are loved with the weak words I have,  backed by the strength of what I do.  That is all I know how to do, and hope that that is enough to assuage the fear.

Introductions...

Pretty excited about having a blog.  It took me almost two days to decide what I would post first.  I don't know much about computers or technology or any of the like because I jumped off that train car in pursuit of other things I felt were more useful quite some time ago.  But being as opinionated as I am and going on rants and philosophical musings as frequently as I do, I've been wanting a medium that some might actually read because they want to.  What can be found here are the above mentioned rants, raves, opinions and philosophical musings, as well as short stories I may pen, or poems I may compose, and pretty much anything else that takes my fancy and that I appreciate.  If it is not an original I will surely give credit where due.   I find it highly unlikely many people other than those I know will read this but that is ok, it still gets my thoughts and opinions out there for those who might be of a like mind.  It also keeps them from being lost to the rapid fire, wide wonderful world of social media and the five minute attention span that it creates.  Where things like Facebook and Twitter and whatnot have their place, some of the thoughts I take seriously and have to present, I would prefer not to show up in the same news feed as candy crush, scantily clad women, and jokes made in poor taste.  That being said, welcome to my crazed little world of alternate views where I can play the devils advocate and gods champion all at the same time.  A little about me, I am Junior.  You will figure out the rest if you can follow along.